I am sober now. And let me tell you the journey has been quite hard. The constant desire to get back and join the old line with the knocking withdrawals and the unmet desires get too overwhelming sometimes. I remember I started off slow just like most of us, out of peer pressure, curiosity to try something new and on the thought of appearing more cooler. The glamorous life that was displayed pulled me to it so easily that it took a long time to get back into the world I had forgotten behind.

I call it ‘The social media overdose’. In no time, I grew up from an intermittent user to a chronic one, moderate dose on  a regular basis and then peaking off to overdoses once in a while. I am not sure if it happens to all of us and that you get through with it but it drowned me really. Last month was the turning point. Things were getting clearer. I decided to myself that I needed some time off without it. The friends I had long before, backed me up and besides few close ones, all the connections I made in the process gradually got lost with it.

In chronic opiate poisoning, they use a drug  called methadone, which is a lesser potent substance of similar action as opiate, meanwhile tapering off the dose of opiate. I am trying a similar therapy, decreasing my time in social media and spending a little more on WordPress (gladly there are no chat bars here). This has inspired me to write more. I am also reading some novels (Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, of course and Ernesto Che Guevera by I. Levretsky). Also laying my hands on these water colors gifted by a dear friend.

Basically, to me, it was the dependence I couldn’t handle. The initial euphoria,  the state of extreme well being, talkativeness had finally started to wear off. I was constantly dwelling in the ocean of superficial people, trying to get hold of the little I had left around me. I didn’t feel I had anything at all to share. It was the usual melodrama everywhere. The nakedness of the two dimension story I was showcasing and watching felt very much unrealistic. All my cards were exposed on the table and so were their’s. There was not much point at continuing, the game had to come to an end!

Advertisements