27th April 2017

Dear ‘Me at 40’,

Wow! You are forty and still alive. It is awesome!!

So, how have you been huh? I hope not too fat. I can pretty much guess that you have got a child –adopted or your own, I am not sure. Well, who cares? It’s great, I know. It’s funny though that I am not sure if you are married or not. Or may be already divorced even? Haha! Sorry, couldn’t help the laugh!! If you are still married, I think he is someone you knew for a long time. And it would be even more romantic that I already know him.  And if you are divorced, hmm… you still aren’t the one going to compromise, are you?

Let me ask you, are you where you want to be? I hope you are happy wherever you are. Are you living in some rural areas of Nepal, waking up to the sounds of little streams of water down the side of your wooden house, working to build a hospital or something there and also to live your dream of being a pure country girl? And then there are your other kids around, your dogs, probably local breed, always chewing whatever they see. Or may be you got a cat? Or a snake? I wouldn’t be surprised. That would be great to hear actually. Dreams change, I know. May be I am just making you nostalgic. May be you think I was too stupid, too unrealistic, too young and wild, but wasn’t that what you loved about yourself? I hope you haven’t given up on writing. Have you published something? Is it another dagger through your heart again? Sorry, my bad! Come on, there is still time. Remember that first article you wrote about your dog? I came across it the other day and it was so cute. And kind of childish too.  That was then and look I am still keeping up that passion strong. I kept moving on and so should you. You still sit down once in a while on your balcony and sketch or paint, right? You need to do that if you haven’t. That was the only thing that calmed you down. Not even writing did that.

How is mom and dad doing? Pretty much the same, I am sure. And your brother, has he found out his way?  I hope he did.

Do you remember this day? I mean it’s night actually. It’s 12:30 am now. I just had this crazy sudden thought of writing a letter to someone. And since right now I don’t have anyone specific to write one to at this time, so I am just stupidly writing it to myself. I hope you sit down after reading this and you write a letter back to me if you aren’t lazy as much. I would love to read it and to know how good you have become in your life and in your writing skills as well. Do you use much heavier words now? Or maybe you use more often the F- word? You don’t right? Glad!

The saddest part is that I have to wait about 18 years to read the reply. And at that time I don’t know even know how much part of me would be left in you to read that and to truly understand it. Depressing, no? But they do say one doesn’t really change much from the inside. It’s just the perception of people about you that keeps changing with time, with your status, with your appearances. Hey, do you still like wearing loose pants instead of the skinny ones? I bet you do.

Yours sincerely,

The ‘22 year old me’